love isn't enough...
i wish i had a fix for myself that wasn't so dangerous. what is it that compels me?
and now... the thought of being alone... yes, it is empowering. i can feel all of my muted thoughts float to the surface of my mind instead of down where i pushed them so many times. it is exciting and terrifying. i feel as though i am at the cusp of what the rest of my life will look like. from this minute on i have decisions and will carve the rest of my future and the future of my sweet children. the stakes are higher now. the risks are riskier. i can feel the weight of this choice and what it means. all the possibilities... all the outcomes... what will it look like?
i married a wonderful man. i am proud that he is the father of my children. i am proud that we will continue to raise them together. i don't know what the end result of this separation will be... i would be honored to be a partner with him one day again. if we cannot then i am thankful for every minute i have had with him... even the hard ones because they made me better.
12 comments:
It's getting the fix of yourself, Elissa. You couldn't be "free" with the responsibilities that came with a marriage and being a full time mom (which you had decided on a long time ago to do with your husband). I'm going to call you out on here, Elissa. I'm furious so many "Christians" in your life are justifying what you are doing as okay. It isn't. Josh didn't push you anywhere or to anyone...you made that decision in order to get your freedom. It was a plan, wasn't it? On my end, I wanted so badly to like you Elissa because you had someone (Josh) who meant so much to me as a cousin. Yet from the start I had my severe reservations about you...over time I thought I was wrong. Well, I wasn't...that's been the grief factor besides watching this whole soap opera unfold. In the last week, you've been showing the selfishness that I saw 5 years ago. You will end up alone Elissa. Marriage does work with love but Christ has to be involved. When you allow your own motives to get in the way...yes, love will never be enough.
Elissa, you left one very important person out of this whole "equation" of your future life...His name is Jesus
Christ the Son of God. Seriuosly, all "organized religion" aside, what happened to a personal relationship with the author of marriage?
Lynn you are absolutely right. Thank you.
Cecily, if you have any questions regarding the numerous mis-facts in your very angry comment I would gladly discuss it. It doesn't seem like you want to and are just angry and venting. I welcome that as well. Everyone is free to feel how they feel and on my blog, they are free to express it. I for one like you Cecily and I think you are a very special and talented person. Thank you for your effort to rally behind your cousin who is a wonderful man.
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You're right, I am angry but my facts are not off, Elissa. I can't trust anything you have to say and this blog post proves that. You say Josh is wonderful and he is, but you surely do not treat him that way...especially now more than ever. If you mean misfacts in regards to me calling you selfish, well, what else am I to believe as you act the way you do. I'm sorry, but the path you're choosing works for you and you alone. It is hurting those around you. Your actions confirm what I am saying, therefore, you have no one's interest at heart but your own. Bottom line, you are not honoring your first commitment to your husband and kids.
The only thing I will apologize for in my last comment is saying you will end up alone. I don't know that for sure, but the path you are choosing risks it. God help you.
jesus fixes everything.
marriage only works with christ.
http://www.christianpost.com/article/20080404/study-christian-divorce-rate-identical-to-national-average/index.html
Divorce rates among conservative Christians were significantly higher than for other faith groups, and much higher than Atheists and Agnostics experience. According to a recent study by the Barna Research Group.
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i know this is the hardest thing you've ever had to do and no one should be throwing any decisions you've made in your face, least of all christians. i'm sure any place where you have done wrong or made any mistake you are aware of and will grow from, because that's the kind of lady you are.
love you.
you don't need to apologize for anything. it's how you feel. josh can confirm the mis-facts i speak of if you wish to discuss it with him instead of me.
Skylana, how are we to determine the differences between the "right" ways of the world and the "right" ways of ours selves as Christians"? I believe you are quite confused when you state that christians should not be "judging" others. In fact, this is one of the greatest myths perpetrated on the church today. It has become so bad that believers are afraid to call sin what it is...Sin. And to make matters even worse and perhaps explain why the divorce rate is so high among christians is that the church has been led to believe divorce in the end is acceptable for a miriad of reasons. Number one among them being I'm not getting my way! In the eyes of God it is an abomination. Just pick up your Bible and start reading.This is not my judgement or the judgementof other christians. It is the judgement of God Himself in the person of Jesus Christ. Jesus Himself said He is the "Word" whether you read the old testament or the new. I don't need to make up my own judgement against other people. That has been done already and given to us in the "Word of God" in order to protect ourselves in this fallen world as well as our eternal relationship with God. God's Word is the final authority and it is not vague or ambiguos...Matt5:32, Matt 19.9,Exodus 20:14, ICorinthians6:9. Skylana, psycho-babble will never, ever replace the "Word of God" and your word of encouragment to Elissa to carry on down this path is to encourage her to sin. How sad and frightening this is. You are on some incredibly shakey ground.As you encourage your friend you might want to open the Word to Phillipians 2:3-5. There is nothing wrong with Elissa having ambition but it will be disasterous if persued selfishly.
Hey I just saw your blog. I'm sorry you guys are going through this. Hang in there
i just want to go on record here that there are many opinions but no one can know what someone has gone through because they aren't them.Not justifying any actions here. I'm glad i married Elissa ;and She is the mother of my beautiful kids.There were some misunderstandings and I want to respect Elissa..
I just saw this. So sorry your family is going through this, you're in my thoughts.
WOW.
After reading this Blog.. and the responses I just couldn't help myself to make a comment.
All I have read is Judgement. Casting stones. Who are we to do such. Who really knows whats going on. Who are we to really understand. In all reality we should focus on prayer for Elissa and Josh.
If this judgement by other Christians is called being a Christian then I wouldn't want to be any part of it.
lynn
i have never been on more steady ground. i'm SO thankful i have separated myself from the mentality you seem to still live in. there is so much i could say about what you wrote but its not worth my time i would be "casting pearls among swine", as the saying goes. i will say that i find it quite immature, insensitive and strange that any form of family of josh or elissa would confront these issues on a blog.
peace out!
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