i have made a decision for no one else. no one is waiting for me. i am completely alone. free to go but not going.
how else will i become who i am? how else will i know what i believe? how else can i truly love someone until i can be ok without them?
i have done damage. i am damaged. broken. i am not proud of the decisions i have made and the way that this has all unfolded. right and wrong have been shady and confusing to me. my timing has all been off. my reality has adjusted daily... hourly.
today i have made a decision that i know is right. all along the decisions i made were either made because of what i wanted or because of what someone else wanted. i didn't make right decisions because i really didn't know what right was. i haven't believed what i was told. i resisted what i was told.
but i wasn't told this. i know this is right.
i am alone and it is a choice. and i'm happy with it. i am not happy, but i'm happy with the choice.
2 comments:
Praying that you find everything you are looking for in the only person who has it all. Jesus never stops loving. Thinking of you and wishing I was there for a real hug.
I would like to say I'm praying for you however, I do not seem to find myself praying much. I'll just say it like 'it is.
Take control of you and let you take control. You know longer get to make any excuses for your actions. Being free isn't an easy thing to do. I do believe in YOU!
As for the Jesus loves you thing.. awesome.. just know there are others who love you as well.
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