stuff

no seriously... about the jail thing, it makes me sick what people think constitutes "victimization". pathetic.



i haven't written for a while. well that's not true i guess. i have written a lot but you all haven't gotten to see it. so here's the shpeel... i'm not really gonna talk about detailed stuff on here... i'm just not ready... but here's a few thoughts anyways...

i've been struggling for years with what i believe. i feel like i've been in limbo for so long and life never lets up long enough for me to settle into anything solid for myself. i've known that i can't stay here forever. i fucking HATE limbo. it sucks.

however what i have been through hasn't been a complete waste because i have learned so much in last three years. even more in the last three weeks. this is what i have learned:

no matter how hard i try to change myself, i can't change everything...
no matter how hard i try to change someone else, i can't change anything...
everything i'm positive will work, might not...

EVERY SINGLE judgement that i have carried against someone in my life i have now struggled with myself. it has changed me. everything i thought i would never do and everything i thought i would never be, i have become. i have cast a lot of stones over the years and to those who were recipients, i am truly sorry.

my hope is that i will never EVER judge what someone does or their intentions again. i know now that things are not always as they appear and what looks so wrong and awful to everyone else may be the best thing. we never know what is really going on.


thanks to all you that love me. to everyone else, i don't know why you are on here, but thanks for reading.

and p.s. joshua parrish i love you.