running in the grocery store

i always run into people in the grocery store; sort of a lot. a lot of times i'm ducking down aisles to avoid seeing them. it's really annoying. i'm not the kind of person to run from anything really, but i run from these people because i don't really like them and i just plain don't want to see them.

i'm sure the feeling is mutual and they don't like me very much either. maybe some of them hate me. in my previous 'post-current me' perspective i pretty much thought they were douche-bags and couldn't care less. now i don't think that they are douche-bags. i think they are human beings with a valid perspective. so much of the turmoil in many of my relationships has nothing to do with me anyway. it just has to do with people close to me. but there are still things i have done that i am not proud of. i want to make things right. not because i want them to stop hating me. i really don't care about that. i just think it's the right thing to do.

so this has been bugging me. i don't want there to be anyone in my life that i run from in the grocery store; anyone that i haven't apologized to or made an effort with. now i know that i don't literally have to run from them, but the inclination to avoid is what i don't like. if there is anything that i can do to make things right, i want to do it.

my first attempt landed me on my ass.

i started with the first person i think i seriously wronged. i haven't seen them for ten odd years. it went terrible. now if i saw them in the grocery store i would bolt like lightning. it makes me sad because my intentions were to mend a bridge and i totally blew it to smithereens. but i tried and that's that.

i'm not gonna try to be friends with everyone or trust everyone. that's not what i'm talking about. i'm talking about making peace; saying apologies that need to be said and moving on. i know i probably won't be able to live at peace with everyone. but i certainly am going to try.