love isn't enough...
i wish i had a fix for myself that wasn't so dangerous. what is it that compels me?
and now... the thought of being alone... yes, it is empowering. i can feel all of my muted thoughts float to the surface of my mind instead of down where i pushed them so many times. it is exciting and terrifying. i feel as though i am at the cusp of what the rest of my life will look like. from this minute on i have decisions and will carve the rest of my future and the future of my sweet children. the stakes are higher now. the risks are riskier. i can feel the weight of this choice and what it means. all the possibilities... all the outcomes... what will it look like?
i married a wonderful man. i am proud that he is the father of my children. i am proud that we will continue to raise them together. i don't know what the end result of this separation will be... i would be honored to be a partner with him one day again. if we cannot then i am thankful for every minute i have had with him... even the hard ones because they made me better.
