in a stupid heated discussion in which i was mostly in the wrong, the other person told me i wasn't right with god. they kind of threw it in there and i honestly didn't think twice about it because i just assumed they were right. it wasn't till the next day that i thought, "!?!?!!?!?!?".
i wouldn't go so far as to go out of my way to declare that i am right with god. i mean who knows but how could someone else possibly judge that about me?
because i question? because i'm searching? because i'm actually honest about it? these things don't make me "un-right" with god. in fact i would go so far as to say that i'm way "righter" than i think i've ever been and way "righter" than many people who look like they are "ultra-right"
it is frustrating that i cannot seem to get across that my questioning is not coming from a place of rebellion. and i'm not questioning god himself. at all. i'm questioning who the christian culture says he is and what it requires of it's followers. i guess i don't really care if you, or whoever thinks i am right with god because that is the stupidest, vaguest, most ominous description anyways. there is no way to hold a ruler to what it actually means and it is subject to each person's interpretation; which sort of leaves god out of it. like many things that christians say, accept and don't question.
but what actually pricks my heart about it is that god might actually think that i am not right with him. after wrestling with this today i don't think he does. i don't know. i'm really not sure. but that would be sad because when all is said and done, and it is just him and i, i want him to be proud of me. i want him love where i am at and what i have done with what i have been given.
11 comments:
No one can tell you that you aren't right with God. It's not their place to judge your heart. That's for Him and Him alone. If you are eagerly searching out His character (which it seems you are, in trying to uncover the "christian cultures" ridiculousness) then I wouldn't worry about it. God asks that we love Him and seek His face. Seems to me that's what you're trying to do.
Really? I think people throw big statements like that into conversations that they just want to end. "Right with God"? NONE of us EVER are!!! This is the whole point of Jesus, salvation, the Cross, Christianity! We CAN'T be right with God and we NEED the sacrifice of Jesus to cover all our un-right-ness.
Geeze. Some people.
Keep asking your honest questions, Elissa. Beliefs that are never questioned are never truly your own. God told Jeremiah that "you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart". Do it to it, girlfriend.
i just love this post.
<3
(and you, of course).
I LIKE how you think and argue and process... ;-). It makes you real ('cuz sometimes I worry people are actually robots and that annoys me because (A)robots are usually not sexy, (B)robots are hard to snuggle with, (C)robots usually have guns they point at any random thing that moves--say like cute little bunny rabbits and stuff, and (D)robots leave grease stains on the carpet when I shoot at them). Yeah...good post :-). hugs
"Right with God" is honestly one of my biggest pet peeves. Its so personal and not something someone else can judge. Plus, you should ALWAYS be questioning and learning growing in your relationship with Him. That's what makes it a relationship! Even in healthy relationships, you aren't always "right" with the other person. You get angry, you forgive, sometimes you feel closer to them than other times...you go through ups and downs. You grow.
Last time someone asked me if I was right with God, I asked them how their sex life was lately. They were all shocked and I said something like "oh, sorry, I thought we were just asking each other personal questions!"
Really good post. I wish there was an "I like" button on here, because I often don't know what to say. But I want to show you that I love and support you. And I like your friends. I like to read their comments just as much I like to read your posts. Especially Mary's.
Oh, I love this post. I love how you can express yourself and be so honest.
And the only thing I can say with certainty is that God loves us No matter what - no matter where we're at - we are His, even when we don't look so good, or have hard things to say or hard questions to ask.
Just like with your kids, you may disapprove of their actions, but you Never stop loving them, or give up on them!
I really like daniella and Steph's answers, by the way.
That didn't come out the way I meant it . . . the part about kids. Can you scratch that out??
I know you wrote this a week ago but I'm just getting back into things and I have to comment.
Andy and I were talking about this exact-ish thing this morning.
We were actually joking about a friend we ran into yesterday and how the next time I see him I'm going to ask, "how's your walk -insert name here-?"
But even joking about this question made me feel really uncomfortable. I thought about how I would respond if someone asked me that...
1. It's really none of your business
2. who died and made you the way to the father?
3. why would you ask me something like that? what's your angle...
See, I apparently got upset, at least based on my responses, which if explored led down a road of sarcasm and name calling...j/k. But I didn't like the idea much more than I think you did.
I've said the following to countless people during the past 8 years...my faith, my belief, my relationship with God is a process. It always will be and I think that's the way it SHOULD be.
I don't actually agree with the idea that anyone should even personally judge where they're at with God, because isn't the nature of being human that things are always changing? One minute you assess your 'rightness' with God and it's amazing, but with in a minute your 'rightness' can be compromised, etc, etc, etc....until we're all going crazy.
I'd rather be in an active state of refining than a solid state of right.
I just love this post so much.
I think it has to do with other people's needs to feel super secure in their spirituality.
It's like...If I've built my whole Christian life on having "beyond a shadow of a doubt" answers, and then someone else comes along who can question and "struggle" and not have all the answers and STILL be "right with God" then what's the point in all the work I've put into finding these answers?
What's the point of it at all?
What else am I wrong about it?
oh shit!
I used to feel that way too, until recent years in which I've found myself on the other side of the equation. The questioning side.
I feel like what I've gained, coming out of all my questioning/ "struggling" etc, and still believing, hoping, and resting on the grace of God..is actual..legit Faith... Like for the first time EVER.
So, it used to bother me when people would question my "rightness" with God because I'm more politically left, or because I may not think the New Testament is inherent, or whatevs...now I am just thankful for the peace that passes all understanding, and for a God that will some day make ALL things right.
You can't get right with God until you get right with yourself..
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