i did it

the day before my six week running anniversary i ran a half marathon. i ran it it 2H 11M. i averaged 10 miles per hour which i am hugely proud of because the ENTIRE thing was mountainous hills. really unbelievably STEEP hills.

haha couch to half marathon in six weeks. i was ok after except my stomach hurt really bad and my knees got soooo swollen. josh had to carry me downstairs and give me an epsom salt bath when i got home. then he iced my knees on and off the entire evening. the next day i was back to normal... ready to run again.

i know it probably seems stupid to hold up my half marathon as one of the biggest days of my life. but it's not the actual run or the actual day that means so much. it is what it represents. last year was one of the hardest years of my life. personally i was so stuck in my muck and depression and hormones. i was sinking in tar. i didn't let josh help me; i didn't communicate to him what i needed. i hardly got up off the couch and when i left the house it was only because i absolutely HAD to.

so i started running after trying to for so long. beth and bethany inspired me and encouraged me and were true friends. it was hard. so miserable. beginning running sucks. josh made every effort to give me time to run and stretch with me and make sure i kept with it. i felt selfish at first that i was taking so much time for something all about me. but he spoke so positively about it that i started to get over that. i intended to run in may but this came up and i thought i would give it a shot.

so running on that day mile after mile (6 more than i had ever run), meant the world to me. it meant all my hours upon hours of training paid off. it meant all the support i got paid off. it meant i really am capable of completing and excelling in my life even when the obstacles are extremely difficult. i cried when i finished. i couldn't believe it.

i also learned something about my relationship with josh. i ask him not to come to the race because i didn't think i would be able to finish and i didn't want my failure recognized. i didn't believe in myself but i also didn't let him believe in me. the day of the race i was so nervous and he was just hugging me and telling me i could do it. when i was done i needed him because i could hardly walk and he took such good care of me. i realized that i'm not usually vulnerable enough with him to let him see me fail or succeed and to let him take care of me either way. i was sad he wasn't there, but i'm glad that it happened because i learned something about myself and about him. josh doesn't need me to succeed for him to value me or be proud of me. i don't need him to either. that wouldn't be a real relationship. we are supposed to support and love each other regardless if we fail or succeed. i haven't been letting him support me and it's scary but i'm going to change that.

so, running is awesome and it's changed my life in so many ways. and now with my husband's support, and my trusty running friends, i'm going to start training for a full marathon. ahhhh i can't believe i just typed that!!!



nerves before




trying to figure out how to put on that thing... haha this was my first race...




go team go!





before





after... FREEZING and pretty pooped... actually bethany looks like she barely broke a sweat. me and beth had had it...