healthcare

i get it ok. i get why this thing was proposed. or at least i get why they are saying it was proposed. i don't think anyone can deny that this is a scary step in the direction of outrageous government control. if it stopped here maybe i wouldn't be so adamantly against this thing. but it won't stop here.

that saying, i think i feel more passionately about this issue than i ever have about anything controversial. i believe what i believe for a reason but i also respect and am open to all opinions because everyone is valuable and their experiences and opinions are as well.

here are some points i would like to make regarding this issue:

first of all, everyone can pull up a statistic or manipulate data to prove whatever point they want to prove. this can and has been done with this issue. anyone that is educated about surveys and how they are run knows this. the research i have done has led me to believe that the life expectancy in nationalized health-run countries is less, that the C-section rate is more, and that the care is generally bad. i have also read and talked with people that tell me just the opposite. but i believe that both views have been gotten and slanted both ways to create a desired outcome.

yes, there is a problem with the existing system. but i don't believe that more government control with fix the problem. (look at the difference between US Postal Service vs FedEx and UPS-even Obama admitted this). it will only create more monitoring. it will do what some people are saying insurance companies are doing, which is denying care that some deem necessary. the only difference is that our government instead or our insurance companies will be denying us. The corruption will still be there. Whether it is doctors immorally suggesting treatment for money, or insurance companies denying legitimate claims, or the government treating us like numbers and managing our care and quality of care based on what they deem necessary, CORRUPTION WILL HAPPEN.

At the this point the argument arises that debates the inherent nature of humans. I believe that every person has the potential for incredible good or incredible evil. Evil however will always exist. Do we all sacrifice a little of who we are and what we believe for the greater good? Perhaps if the greater good was really greater.

This is being presented as equality and it won't be. There is no such thing as equality. Our individual health care WILL BE taken away. It is so naive to think that we will be able to keep it as an option in the long run. Throughout history this has proven to be true. The French Revolution came about because of the terrible injustice and inequality between the very rich and very poor. We all know that the exact same thing happened when the poor took over and tried to create an equal system. Equality could not exist because of corruption. Communism was another attempt to create equality. It didn't work because of corruption.

I have always said that Communism is a great idea if corruption and greed did not exist. It is a beautiful theory. But it isn't real. It will never happen because of the potential of human nature.

This will not work.

in the middle

my self proclaimed job since i was little was being in the middle. facilitating communication. catching moments before they get awkward. sensing moods and making sure my actions encourage peace between parties. i don't think anyone specifically ask me to do this. but i think to some extent it was expected.

i don't blame my parents or siblings. i don't blame anyone really. everyone tried their best i think. it was a hard situation. situations. these personal expectations have been called upon several different times in my life. i honestly have believed it's my job. i believe i can make things better. that i can make people friends again. that all these people that i love can love each other again because of my assistance and involvement.

only recently i realized this is destroying me. it contributes to a great deal of my anxiety. i see everyone's perspective and i think that all opinions and feelings are of value. whether or not they are valid doesn't really matter to me. they are VALUABLE. why doesn't everyone else value them? why can't i make them?

yesterday was my brother's wedding. a day i wished for for years. i prayed he would find a wife for so long. he did. she is everything he needs. she fills every void he has and vice versa. i honestly think they are perfect for each other and for this reason i was exctatic about this day.

but it was also my worst nightmare. all these people in the same place that don't like each other. all these people that have all these opinions and feelings that are all valuable but don't coincide with each other. i am the common link. i love all of them!

it was hard but it was a victory. i didn't try to fix anything but my heart pounded as i anticipating the awkward interchanges and glares. instead of listening to people's opinions i planned on pretending to be occupied. surprisingly for the most part no one needed my help. the wedding was beautiful. i didn't do anything and nothing fell apart. everyone was mature and civil.

it definitely wasn't natural but for the most part i feel that it was a victory. then why do i feel so sad? i feel sad because i have been under a false impression that i can fix it. i have been wrong. i'm sad because i don't think it will every be fixed. i will be sad about this most likely for the rest of my life and i just now realized i can't do a damn thing about it. it will happen again with someone else i love. loss of relationship is sad and it is just a part of life.

it seems like my options now are cynicism or sacrificing myself to love that will only end in pain. i already did cynicism so i guess it's time for masochism.