somehow becoming a wife and mother did not make me grown up. i expected it to but it didn't. instead i fell into this roll that i was not prepared for and certainly was not qualified for. now i am lost in this position. the complexity of this job has drowned me. i expected this all to look and feel so different. i expected to be a better wife and mother. i expected to be full of joy a whole lot more and feel desperation a whole lot less. i never expected to feel overwhelmed and hopeless so much.
for two and a half years i have been a mother. i will never regret it, because my children are unbelievable. i love them so deeply that it aches. they are wonderful. but i feel lost in it. this blog is an effort for me to find me again. i am not expecting the me that i find to be the same me that existed before motherhood. i am not even expecting to the like the me i find. but i am willing to take that chance. who am i? i honestly have know idea and it is overwhelming to think about. but i am ready.
3 comments:
I had to comment because I want you to know that you are not alone. I think we all go into motherhood expecting something and getting something totally different. I was like you. I thought I'd be so happy all the time and so patient... but whoa. I am not that person AT ALL. It's so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I love my babies with all of my heart but sometimes I just want to get away, you know? I'm sure the majority of mothers out there are feeling what we are feeling and a lot of them just don't like to talk about it. But I say it's such a good thing to talk about it, just so you know that you are not alone. Thanks for posting this blog :)
I haven't been in your exact situation (obviously since I'm a single lady), but I can understand what you are saying. The last couple of years I've spent searching to find exactly who I am. It's been some of the toughest times in my life, but the best because I've learned so much about myself. Also, it has helped me to find joy in things and be able to relate to those close to me. If you search, you will find. That's just how God works in our lives.
I'll be praying for you.
Hmmm I was reading all these posts... I gotta tell you... you are still a very good writer... keep it up.
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